Lack of interest is enough

In another context a woman wrote that an acquaintance came on to her, and that she is a straight married woman, so that’s why she’d refuse.

I started thinking about this line of reasoning annoying. It bugs me. It comes across as if she were bi and single, of course she’d say yes.

But really, as a bi single woman, I mostly say no.

Very few people interest me.

Light bulb

Today I realized that the two abusive men, Matt and Alexander, presented as people who took care of and protected their lovers.

Unlike Jim and Sarah – who presented as people who needed a ton of hand holding.

Now, A & M were also very high maintenance, but it was the protective aspect that sucked me in. A putting up shades eg.

No, not empowering

Someone posted the trash below. I’m going to pull it apart.

“Cuneiform”, the most ancient form of writing, derives from “kunta” meaning “female genitalia” in Sumerian of ancient Iraq.

Nope. Or rather, the writing is ancient. The word, which is of Latin origin (from cuneus) isn’t.

“Kunta” is “woman” in several Near Eastern and African languages and a Mother Tongue that is being compiled by linguists today.

Nope. Or again, it doesn’t matter if kunta means woman in languages that aren’t Indo-European, when you’re looking for an etymology for a word in English. Moreover, there is no “Mother Tongue that is being compiled by linguists today.”

It was also spelled “quna,” which is the root of “queen.”

Nope. Q and K are not cuneiform letters. Certainly, queen and gyne are both words in Indo-European languages that presumably derive from a Proto-Indo-European root meaning woman. It’s possible (though hardly certain) that cunt derives from the same root. This etymology is unrelated to the arguments above it. We’ve entered Gish Gallop territory.

Since priestesses were known to be accountants/administrators of Temple of Inanna in Sumeria c.3100 B.C. when Cuneiform was first used, it is highly likely that cuneiform was “the sign of the kunta” who kept the books (clay tablets) for the temple economy/redistribution of wealth that evolved from communal economics of ancient mother-cultures.

Oh my Invisible Pink Unicorn! No. Just no.

So when an abuser calls a woman a “cunt” he is actually calling her a “queen who invented writing and numerals.” Girls and women can thus reclaim the words in our language that have been used as weapons against us in emotionally explosive situations. The word “prostitute” (law giver of the temple) and “whore” (houri, Persian, which means a gorgeous semi-divine female that awaits men in the 7th Heaven) are some of the finest compliments a woman can be given.

Wrong again. Even if cunt and queen derive from the same PIE root, “queen” in that context doesn’t mean “woman ruler.” It means “woman.” As for “prostitute” -! The word derives from a Latin term that meant publicly exposed for sale. Even if, for the sake of argument, I were willing to grant that the same priestesses who were law givers also sold sex (I’m not willing to grant that), that’s not what the word prostitute means.

Moving on to whore and houri. Whore is probably derived from a root that means lover or friend, and has been used to mean woman who provides sexual services for money for at least 1000 years. Houri, on the other hand, is derived from words that mean beautiful dark eyes. The two words are unrelated. They’re also not related to cunt.

Many ancient languages did not have huge vocabularies as we do and the same word had many meanings, according to the context in which it was used.

While this is true, it’s not germane to any argument given in this essay.

“Kunta” is also the root of kundalini (energy),

Ok, but if so, not germane to any non Indo-European language.

khan (highest leader of the Eurasian steppe nomads, whose society was originally matriarchal and who still have remnants of a matriarchate),

False. A) Khan is a contraction of khagan – meaning ruler – a Turkic (not Indo-European) word. B) There’s no indication that most (any?) nomads speaking Turkic languages were matriarchal. Nor are they today.

quantity, any words that start with “kw”, qu, or kh.

No. Just no. Not all words starting with those consonants are related.

Examples: Cunda, mother of Buddha according to Japanese; Cunti-Devi, Goddess of kundalini energy, India; Kunta, means literally one who has female genitalia, and describes a priestess, ancient Sumeria; Kun, Goddess of Mercy, India; Quani, Korean goddess; Qudshu, female priestess of ancient Canaan & Phoenicia, which became the Roman province of Palestine after they conquered it; Quadesha, Sumerian word for a type of priestess. Qu’ can also mean love, sensuality, sexuality, the divinity present in all females.

Even if everyone of these examples were true (they aren’t), these are examples from a multitude of unrelated languages. Most of these languages have no bearing on an old English word.

So, the most interesting conclusion is that the Quran, is actually the book of love for females. Female sensuality is probably the literal translation, but Muslims translate it as “reading or lection”, which is also flattering to females because the mothers of Arabs were always their only teachers before Mohammad dictated the Koran. Now they have Koranic schools called “Madrasas”, the mother-schools, although they now teach only boys and denigrate women. Almost every value word in the Muslim religion, including “Muslim” is a mother-word, derived from the mother root: Mohammad, mufti, mosque, madrasa, Makka (Mecca), Madina, mukhtar, mujahadeem, mezes, and many, many more.

Nonsense. This paragraph shows a complete misunderstanding of how words are formed in Arabic (and a number of other languages).

Another variation is “quern,” a hand-mill used by ancient women to grind grain into flour. The etymology points to housewives of ancient Mesopotamia, present-day Iraq and parts of Iran, Palestine, & Syria, where agriculture began, as the ones who invented bread out of flour by adding a liquid and letting the dough sit for while until air-borne yeasts raised it. When baked in their clay ovens, it resulted in the most remarkable invention of the human race, the staff of life, bread. It was also baked quickly, without waiting for the yeasts to lighten it, and is known today as pita.

Yes, quern is Indo-European. No, nobody thinks that it’s derived from a root meaning woman.

I adore word origins. I don’t much like Just So stories positing women as ancient goddesses. We are people.

How come ?

I ask and attempt to answer a few questions about the results of a small petition a few months back.

  • How did I know that the petition would end my aikido practice?
  • Why was I so sure most people wouldn’t quit?
  • Why won’t I go back?
  • How come I knew how this would go down when others didn’t?

How did I know that the petition would end my aikido practice?

  • I had observed YY for over thirty years and could make an educated guess as to which way he would jump.
  • I recognized that many people would follow his lead, and that they’d therefore say and do lousy things.
  • I think I have always known that organizations protect their own hierarchy first. All right, maybe not always, but certainly since I was in my teens.
  • I could judge my own tolerance for lousy behavior.

Why was I so sure that most people wouldn’t quit?

  • Aikido organizations, from individual dojos through the international organizations, are high demand organizations. Ever since I started training, I have (only half joking) called aikido a cult.
  • It’s hard to leave a cult. That’s my basic answer – aikido is structured as a high demand organization, and leaving is psychologically hard.
  • Additionally, as I have said before, many aikidoists believe that aikido is different from other arts. They perceive it as having universal applicability (while also believing that only practitioners can understand the specialness).
  • Many aikidoists wanted a spiritual practice. They believe they have found one in aikido.
  • Fighting against your own doubts tends to cement your allegiance.
  • So again, why would they leave? Aikido was satisfying for them.

Why won’t I go back?

I could – in the sense that several teachers and dojos would welcome me.

I don’t want to. I’ve thought about what I get out of training. I would love to experience the camaraderie again. I am desperate for the adrenaline.

And yet – I don’t want to be part of an organization that places a premium on respect for a family (or other) lineage. I’m not interested in tradition.

I don’t believe in ki or in the ability of a martial art to further peace and understanding.

Given the above, there’s a good chance I was never really an aikidoist. I was a physically talented exerciser. I was a good teacher of technique, and enforcer of the rules.

If the essence of aikido is accepting that Ueshiba discovered a unique method of self awareness that could lead to universal peace – I wasn’t an aikidoist.

Indeed, I don’t think that aikido is special and that may be the real stumbling block.

How come I knew how this would go down when others didn’t?

I know why I knew how the fracas would likely resolve. I said so above: I had observed the players for decades, and didn’t idolize them.

But everyone involved had observed the players. The majority of (public) supporters of the petition weren’t tyros.

I am not so special. I am no more insightful than other people (if anything I’m less capable of reading people than most). If I could see that change wouldn’t happen quickly and that the leadership would interpret a mild letter and a petition as an attack – why couldn’t others?

Maybe having read Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft opened my eyes to abuse.

Maybe having no spiritual interests gave me a tiny shield.

Maybe training only intermittently for a few years gave me some distance.

I just don’t know.

What I do know is that leaving your friends is scary. Accepting that your judgement of people and things could be off is very difficult.

Recognizing that I had devoted over thirty years of my life to a group that could (and would) speak of a quiet request as disrespect and betrayal was very hard.

So was accepting that I had expected that response. I guess I had recognized, though I had not acknowledged what I recognized, that there were unhealthy elements – even in my dojo.

I had understood that people I knew and loved would behave immorally.

It was excruciating to accept that the people I loved would act as they did.

I have been looking for explanations that do not rely on the specialness of me. Maybe the recognition is the essence.

I couldn’t and can’t avoid perceiving that kicking people out of a dojo because they are willing to sign a petition is wrong.

I couldn’t and can’t avoid the conclusion that problem lies in the structure of aikido organizations, not in a few bad apples.

The mess that would ensue was obvious to me.

At the time, I felt sad, and sickened. But I knew that the cult I had been a member of would close ranks.

I wasn’t surprised.

Here’s an excellent article on yoga that parallels what happened in the USAF

Go away

This time is was “healthy morning start!” or some such nonsense. I said “fuck off.”

Next time some prize jerk makes a comment on my running I think I’ll stop. Here’s what I’ll say:

You don’t make comments to men running. I know you don’t so don’t pretend.

Just shut up. Keep your eyes in your head and your tongue inside your lips.

No noises. Shut up or drop dead.