Don’t touch

I went to the Porto Rico coffee company today.

There I was at the “Line forms here” sign when someone touched my shoulder.

A stranger informed me that he (and his girlfriend) were next and was I in a hurry and

And actually he didn’t say “girlfriend” he said “we” and I don’t really know what his point was because…

Don’t touch strangers

It took a minute or two or three before I was able to channel my rage and not cry.

“Excuse me sir,” said I (without touching him because – What the hell! – no one touches strangers). “Next time you ask a stranger for something don’t touch her!

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“I’m really upset. Don’t touch people.

Advertisements

Love and “A Korean Odyssey”

I think that this kdrama is a brilliant exploration of love.

Son O Gong, the Great Sage Equal to Heaven, loves Ji Son-Mi, Samjang because he’s stuck wearing a magic bracelet – geumganggo.

That bracelet is like love at first sight. Son O Gong and Ji Son Mi both know that his desire and his yearning towards her have damn all to do with either of them.

He doesn’t know her. At all.

Over time though he learns. She tells him she likes strawberry ice-cream- not peanut. They both like green. They are kind to each other. They rescue each other.

She’s glad that it isn’t real love – because the thought of his suffering when she dies is painful.

He doesn’t want her to remove the bracelet, because loving her has become his central focus.

Yeah I know it’s Journey to the west. It’s still an exploration of how people love.

Protector

What M and A had in common was that they presented themselves as protectors. Apparently I wanted that.

We went to Home Depot and Costco and the like.

In the past when I wasn’t the financial support I was the emotional support. When J made most of the money he begrudged it. He was useless around the house. P too. S was a baby.

M was less useful than he thought, A was really good at stuff.

I took scraps.

Leading Role

So I read a review of a novel.

I won’t be reading the novel in question because it’s science fiction written by a man. The protagonist is a woman.

I bet he breasts precede her into the room.

One shot

A man and a woman matched on a dating app. They spoke on the phone. He made a salacious comment. She said no sex talk please.

The next day they talked again. He said he’d tell her a joke but she’d told him not to talk about that.

He asked if he could call the next day. She said sure, and told him when she’d be free. He called half an hour past the time.

She ignored him.

But here’s the thing : she wrote about him, asking whether she was too sensitive. She got way too many comments suggesting maybe he’s awkward and that she should give him a shot in person.

Nope. Nope.

He pushed boundaries and negged her.

Why should she put up with that?

That damn glass

I just figured out why I don’t like the essay about the glass by the sink.

It’s the one where the man says if he’d just understood how important it was to put the glass in the dishwasher (pick up his socks, clear the table, not track dirt, take out the trash, put the seat down…) he would have done it, and his wife wouldn’t have left him.

I already knew I hated it because of the gender essentialism. It’s nonsense that men are quantitative and know that a few second task is silly, women are qualitative and recognize the emotional underpinnings of ignoring requests. It’s also nonsense to pretend that men don’t know that women want respect.

What I have just now recognized is that the premise – if the husband just understood he wouldn’t do it – is a lie.

The wife undoubtedly said “When you don’t do your agreed share of the chores, you’re telling me that I’m not important to you and that you don’t love and respect me.” The husband pretended that he didn’t understand the silent “Without love and respect, I will eventually leave.” But he did.

He understood because we all say we want love and respect. He didn’t believe. He didn’t believe because in fact, he didn’t respect. He didn’t love an equal.

It’s not only sexism

I’ve read multiple articles on the sexism involved in research on hormonal contraception – for example, giving up on research lines for male contraceptives whenever bad effects show up, and ignoring complaints from women while listening to those from men.

Yeah sexism.

And yet I’m reminded of what my mother said when I was a girl, ranting on the unfairness.

“How would any girl know a boy was on the pill? Why would she believe him?”

She was right. The consequences of no contraception are different for those who can and can’t get pregnant.

Until male fertility is opt in and apparent contraception will remain uneven.

We don’t need a “male pill.” We need safe and effective contraception for women.