I’m happy with my body

… Or: am I cis?

I first heard “cis” as equivalent to “born.” That seemed unobjectionable. 

Some are born women (ciswomen), some choose to be women (transwomen), and some have womanhood thrust upon them (transmen).
Well, maybe not.

Because “cis” is about gender, not biological sex.

And trans* people are gender nonconforming. And cis people are gender conforming.

That’s got to be seriously off.

I have two X chromosomes, and I had the common womb environment for a XX fetus. I was born with female primary sexual characteristics and developed female secondary sexual characteristics. I am happy with my body.

(Well, I would like more flexible ankles and a better pointe; and I think being taller would have been cool, but yeah, basically I’m happy with my physical self.)

But my gender? The expectations  of behavior and profession and relationship styles and emotional work and sexuality laid on people my sex?  Hell, no.

I don’t perform femininity at all well. I never have. And it has never occurred to me that my inability to perform femininity happily and well was a fault in me. Nor is it a fault in my sex.

It is essentialist to claim that behavior (including feelings and their expression) is intrinsically female or male (sex related) when on the contrary it is feminine or masculine (gender related).

Bodies however, are male, or female, or intersex.

Bodies are particular, individual. Women and men act and feel. What I do is what a woman, this woman does.  What I feel is what a woman (this one) feels. If a man does or feels the same thing, that’s what that man does or feels. Our actions are not representative of gender, but of people.

I am female.  I’m not so sure Christine Jorgensen was.

Not represented

I watched the first season of How to get away with murder.  I loved it, as any sane person would.

And yet one thing kept bothering me.

Why were there three boys and two girls in the Keating Five?  Surely more girls are admitted to law school than boys?

Then I decided to flip one of the boys to a girl.

If it were Wes then the question would be whether the drug dealer (Rebecca) she’s obsessed with should be flipped too.  The story line works if  Rebecca is oh Reuben, because then the question of who killed Lisa can be sorted out on the basis of whose semen.

It still works if the drug dealer stays Rebecca.  The Wes character (Winifred? Wanda?) could be shocked by her attraction to a girl.

What if it’s the promiscuous gay boy (whose name I’ve lost)?  Turned into a promiscuous gay girl, most of the season works, though the HIV test may not be as immediately obvious.

Even the horrible dorky boy could be a horrible dorky girl – who still has an affair with the associate.

So yes, in my ideal universe more girls than boys in the Keating Five.



This thing bothered me…

That’s what most of my posts are (when I bother to post at all).


That’s what most posts on the internet are:

This thing bothered me.

Yep. It did.

Anti-vaxxers.  Misogynists.  Rape apologists.  The endless number of people who feel that their sexuality or religion or exercise or food or clothing is fabulous for them and therefore it’s a must for everyone.

Yeah, yeah.



I typed “jock” into google, and the images were all male.

I typed “jock woman” and got ads for female jock itch.

So I typed “woman athlete”.

I saw pictures of buffed young women.

That’s great.  But it’s not me, even though I’m a jock.

For ten years I danced three hours a day.

For twenty years I did at least 2 hours of aikido every day.

For much of that time  (15 years?) I also did 20 minutes on my nordic track, 100 pushups.  And an hour of sword work (5 years).

Currently, I run 5+ miles 4 times a week, 100 pushups 6 times a week, PT for my knee 3 times a week, 10 minutes of yoga 6 times a week.  And aikido.

I’m a fat middle aged woman.

My picture doesn’t show up when you type ‘jock” into google.

But it should.Photo on 1-13-16 at 7.11 PM #2.jpg