A rant

And now for a rant on the subjects of consent, rape culture, feminism.

Maybe other stuff too.

First, feminism.

Feminism is the radical idea that women are people. I’m going to look up who said that. Marie Shear. That’s who said that.

Ok, Feminism is the radical idea that women are people.

Let that stew for a little while.

Here’s another definition: Feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights based on the equality of the sexes.

Before you get upset by the recognition that men and women can differ, accept that the “equality” intended is equality as citizens, not sameness.

But think for a moment about that automatic response (if you had it) – that feeling that men and women are different. Think about that, and then remember: People are not a monolith. People differ. Some of the people who differ are old, some are able bodied, some are trans*, some are …. Just think for a bit. Women and men differ because people differ.

Remember: people are not a monolith.
Women are not a monolith.
Feminists are not a monolith.

Rape culture (a term that’s already 40 years old) refers to human groups which deny and minimize and demonize the victims of sexual assault while permitting the perpetrators of assault and sexual violence to continue on their merry way.

As an example, a society that permits one spouse to force another spouse to have sex (as US society did until very recently) is minimizing and denying the experience of the victims of rape (the spouses, primarily women, who were forced to have sex) and is permitting the rapists to continue living their lives with impunity.

When multiple members of a sports team gang rape a developmentally disabled child (Glen Ridge) and then plan to do it again, and don’t get convicted of rape, then the society of which they are part is a rape culture.

Now go look at the cup of tea analogy:

If you prefer a video, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGoWLWS4-kU

If you are able to understand that it’s completely ludicrous to force a cup of tea on someone who doesn’t want it, and you can understand when people don’t want a cup of tea, you can understand consent to sex.

One more suggestion, Derailing for dummies: http://www.derailingfordummies.com

Read this to identify some of the annoying things people do when arguing. Hang your head in shame if you’re guilty.

Now here’s the mean part of this post.

If you do not accept these definitions of feminism, I can’t talk to you, we have nothing to talk about.
If you argue that girls are asking for it, you are a supporter of rape culture. We have nothing to talk about.
If you do not accept the cup of tea analogy, then we have nothing to talk about and you’re a rape apologist. And a supporter of rape culture. I can’t talk to you, go away.

Here’s another not nice thought that I’m happy to add. You may dislike the idea of affirmative consent, or enthusiastic consent because you’ve violated consent. Yep, that means you violated consent, and you raped someone.

I’m ok with saying that someone who violates consent is by definition   a rapist. Yep, that may include you.

Some people might be thinking But we’re in a D/S relationship (or Owner/Property), and Consensual-Non-Consent is our thing.

To you I’ll say: Yeah, non-consent is your thing. But if you don’t accept that consent can be withdrawn (even if that means ending the relationship), then yeah, you’re involved in an abusive relationship, and one of you is a rapist.

In fact, I’ll go out on a limb: one of you, the one violating consent, is a rapist, even if it’s a consensual non consent thing.  Now, the two (or however many) of you may be happy with this state of affairs. If that’s the case, I’m not jumping in and stopping you. But yeah. It’s rape.

I want to reiterate: I can’t talk to you about rape or feminism if we can’t agree on basic terminology,

If you have a problem with my axioms, go check out Feminism 101. Read Shakesville. If you’re a man, check out Dr. Nerdlove. Regardless of your sex or gender, look up Schrödinger’s Rapist. Read the comments.

These are arenas in which the basics are covered, and where they aren’t covered, they point you to 101 spaces.

Because I’m tired of people who derail, who sea lion, who just don’t get it. I don’t want to hold anyone’s hand. Grownups can hold their own hands, they don’t need me. And rape apologists can just drop dead.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s